Perhaps the most exciting moment of the adoption process is when a referral is made by the adoption agency to the potential adoptive parents. Finally you feel one step closer to welcoming your adopted child into your home.
However, sometimes after looking at the referral and all the components of the referral we feel that this child is simply not the right child for us.
What then?
First thing first, do not worry- you are under no obligation to adopt a child that is referred to you and you should feel no guilt if you feel that you cannot give that child the home he or she deserves.
If after looking at the history and the needs of that child you feel that you cannot provide him or her with a loving home, then you should address your problems and concerns with the adoption agency.
Remember that there is nothing to be ashamed about, most agencies will respect your decisions- just bring up your legitimate concerns and reservations with your agent so you can decide as a group the best way to proceed.
It is also a good idea to draw up a pros and cons list before making the big decision. No child is perfect so it is important to establish what is truly important to you and your family.
If after doing all this you come to the conclusion that this child is not the right fit for your family, mourn the loss, but do not feel guilt.
And remember, you should never parent a child out of guilt, this will only lead to resentment later.
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